Leaving Fort Worth

It’s hard to believe that in about a week and a half I’ll be making my way out of Texas.  The time has felt been both short and long.  I’ve been counting down the number of shifts I have left at work, and I am excited to say that there are only four more!  The job hasn’t really been all that bad.  I know that it could have been a lot worse; however last night was in many ways the icing on the cake (or whatever the negative equivalent is), since they gave me seven patients while everyone else took five.  (Long story behind it, but basically they just do things “differently” on Harris 6).  I stood up for myself and ended up getting some relief from the charge nurse, but the whole night was just confirmation that I am ready to move on.  I do feel as though I’ve made progress and grown professionally, or at least gotten back to where I was a few years ago, seeing that it had been awhile since I had worked continuous med/surg.  In the beginning I felt I was struggling a bit.  Both due to sleep deprivation and the overall task of getting my groove back.  I also (and I’m going to be really blunt about this), had trouble truly caring about my patients.  That sounds like such a horrible statement, but I think it had a lot to do with my feeling overwhelmed at work.  Still, and I think most nurses would agree, we all go through phases where it seems that one more drug seeker or confused/demented individual could quite possibly push us over the edge.

When I first got here I strictly enforced my rule of NOT talking about work when I was not physically AT work.  I still believe that overall this is a good policy, at least for my mental sanity, but I have chosen to loosen the reins a bit.  I know that this is a huge relief for my friend Jonah.  In the beginning I practically cut him off mid-sentence if he so much as mentioned Harris 6.  Now I am able to entertain some work conversation, i.e. gossip, without becoming too bitchy, although sometimes I do still sense my blood pressure rising and need to change the subject. 

But enough about work because that is truly the boring part of life, my life anyway.  I’ve enjoyed my time here in Texas.  Unless something hideously drastic happens in the next 9 days I will look back on this experience very positively.  Honestly it wasn’t really that hard for me to venture here without my solid social network.  Sure I had some anxiety around the whole issue, but I guess it just “felt right” and therefore the daily/nightly routine has come pretty natural.  It also helped (a lot!) that I made a friend right away and luckily it is someone that I know I will stay in contact with for a very long time.  Jonah is a wonderfully smart, caring, and hilarious individual.  I don’t think I have ever laughed so much in one 3 month stretch of time.  We’ve attempted to skydive together (twice), taken turns accompanying each other to both gay and straight bars (although the ratio is about 1:10 in my favor), and felt comfortable enough to share our slightly odd food habits.  I’ll miss our gluten free pizza and chick flick nights, as well as 3 am dashes to Wal-Mart for 99 cent fries and browsing their 5 dollar DVD sales.  Very good times.

Probably the number one thing that I enjoy and learned feels so good is getting in my car and driving wherever I want, knowing that wherever I choose to venture will feel fresh and new and freeing.  It can be a 50 minute drive to Dallas or a 4 hour drive to San Antonio.  The distance doesn’t matter.  I get a small rush when I take off and explore a new place.  I believe it is more that I am utilizing my opportunities and stepping a little out of my comfort zone which makes the journey to these places that much more satisfying. 

One thing that I wanted to do and said I would is go to the rodeo.  I just haven’t been able to fit it into my schedule (or maybe I didn’t really try hard enough).  Oh well, I feel that I have gotten a pretty good taste of Texas and will be able to leave without feeling too remorseful. 

Right now I am looking forward to the next phase of my itinerary.  Back to Seattle for a few weeks to spend time some QT with good friends, then off to Korea to visit my family and spend Christmas in a body jarring cold climate.  I’ll start my next assignment in San Jose, California on January 9^th.  Yes, that’s right; I am taking 30 plus days off!  As for now I continue to put off all forms of packing/organizing.  Leaving in 9 days still seems like an event of the distant future.  Perhaps reality will hit when I finish at the hospital and go for a margarita at 7 am.  You can’t buy wine at the grocery store before noon on Sunday, but you can find a restaurant that mixes a drink at the time when most people are just rolling out of bed.