Leaving Fort Worth

It’s hard to believe that in about a week and a half I’ll be making my way out of Texas.  The time has felt been both short and long.  I’ve been counting down the number of shifts I have left at work, and I am excited to say that there are only four more!  The job hasn’t really been all that bad.  I know that it could have been a lot worse; however last night was in many ways the icing on the cake (or whatever the negative equivalent is), since they gave me seven patients while everyone else took five.  (Long story behind it, but basically they just do things “differently” on Harris 6).  I stood up for myself and ended up getting some relief from the charge nurse, but the whole night was just confirmation that I am ready to move on.  I do feel as though I’ve made progress and grown professionally, or at least gotten back to where I was a few years ago, seeing that it had been awhile since I had worked continuous med/surg.  In the beginning I felt I was struggling a bit.  Both due to sleep deprivation and the overall task of getting my groove back.  I also (and I’m going to be really blunt about this), had trouble truly caring about my patients.  That sounds like such a horrible statement, but I think it had a lot to do with my feeling overwhelmed at work.  Still, and I think most nurses would agree, we all go through phases where it seems that one more drug seeker or confused/demented individual could quite possibly push us over the edge.

When I first got here I strictly enforced my rule of NOT talking about work when I was not physically AT work.  I still believe that overall this is a good policy, at least for my mental sanity, but I have chosen to loosen the reins a bit.  I know that this is a huge relief for my friend Jonah.  In the beginning I practically cut him off mid-sentence if he so much as mentioned Harris 6.  Now I am able to entertain some work conversation, i.e. gossip, without becoming too bitchy, although sometimes I do still sense my blood pressure rising and need to change the subject. 

But enough about work because that is truly the boring part of life, my life anyway.  I’ve enjoyed my time here in Texas.  Unless something hideously drastic happens in the next 9 days I will look back on this experience very positively.  Honestly it wasn’t really that hard for me to venture here without my solid social network.  Sure I had some anxiety around the whole issue, but I guess it just “felt right” and therefore the daily/nightly routine has come pretty natural.  It also helped (a lot!) that I made a friend right away and luckily it is someone that I know I will stay in contact with for a very long time.  Jonah is a wonderfully smart, caring, and hilarious individual.  I don’t think I have ever laughed so much in one 3 month stretch of time.  We’ve attempted to skydive together (twice), taken turns accompanying each other to both gay and straight bars (although the ratio is about 1:10 in my favor), and felt comfortable enough to share our slightly odd food habits.  I’ll miss our gluten free pizza and chick flick nights, as well as 3 am dashes to Wal-Mart for 99 cent fries and browsing their 5 dollar DVD sales.  Very good times.

Probably the number one thing that I enjoy and learned feels so good is getting in my car and driving wherever I want, knowing that wherever I choose to venture will feel fresh and new and freeing.  It can be a 50 minute drive to Dallas or a 4 hour drive to San Antonio.  The distance doesn’t matter.  I get a small rush when I take off and explore a new place.  I believe it is more that I am utilizing my opportunities and stepping a little out of my comfort zone which makes the journey to these places that much more satisfying. 

One thing that I wanted to do and said I would is go to the rodeo.  I just haven’t been able to fit it into my schedule (or maybe I didn’t really try hard enough).  Oh well, I feel that I have gotten a pretty good taste of Texas and will be able to leave without feeling too remorseful. 

Right now I am looking forward to the next phase of my itinerary.  Back to Seattle for a few weeks to spend time some QT with good friends, then off to Korea to visit my family and spend Christmas in a body jarring cold climate.  I’ll start my next assignment in San Jose, California on January 9^th.  Yes, that’s right; I am taking 30 plus days off!  As for now I continue to put off all forms of packing/organizing.  Leaving in 9 days still seems like an event of the distant future.  Perhaps reality will hit when I finish at the hospital and go for a margarita at 7 am.  You can’t buy wine at the grocery store before noon on Sunday, but you can find a restaurant that mixes a drink at the time when most people are just rolling out of bed. 

The Lone Star State

I missed Texas.  It’s odd and I wasn’t expecting this, but yes, I did miss this place.  I missed the open land, the ugly and frustrating airport, my local grocery store, my apartment, my walking trail.  Okay, well I didn’t truly miss the airport.  That might be going a bit far.  I do love airports, but this one was a bit disappointing, especially since I view it as one huge brown monstrosity that made me worry I might miss my flight.  (It’s 4.5 ridiculous miles from the north to south end, complete with a toll at each entrance).  I guess what I am trying to say is that I didn’t truly miss Texas itself, but rather what it represents to me.  Basically my freedom to explore, meet new people, and eventually find a place where I would really feel lucky to settle down.  Also, it is not Seattle, which is grossly familiar.  This next thought may strike some of you as a bit peculiar, but during my short stay this past weekend I got the feeling, deep within my soul, that the city was trying to give me a huge hug, only I would not allow it.  It’s as though my body was speaking, saying “not yet, I haven’t been gone long enough, save your embrace for later.”  I’m sure that at some point I will be in need of that particular type of reception.  I may want it so desperately that I’ll book a flight just for that sole purpose.  Who knows?  I sure don’t, but for this trip I am aware that it just didn’t feel “right.”  When my plane landed back in Dallas I actually thought to myself, “I’m home,” because this is where I am choosing to make my home at the present time.

Taking Out the Trash

When I moved in I noticed someone had put their garbage on the lawn outside my building.  I remember thinking to myself, “How rude…and lazy…just go find the dumpster.  No one wants to look at your trash!”  Well, a few days later it was my turn to locate the dumpster and guess what…I couldn’t.  I began to notice that other people had also set their garbage on the tiny patches of grass outside their residences.  I was tempted to leave mine as well, but was afraid that perhaps I just lived in a complex of rude and dirty people.  (And being new, I did not want to be too quick in becoming one).  Fortunately, while driving home I noticed a golf cart that was loaded up with white trash bags.  I put my thinking cap on and figured out that each morning the golf cart winds around the property and collects people’s garbage.  Wow!  What a great (but also unsightly) idea.  I’ve always had a strong dislike for taking out the trash so I was very excited to make this discovery.  (Plus my 13 gallon-er was about to burst at the seams).  So now, instead of having to walk my garbage to a dumpster I can simply set it outside on my way to the car.  Brilliant!  I’ve even thought about how easy it would be to stand on my third story balcony and toss it down to the ground.  Someday I might double bag and give it a go, but for now, given my history of bad aim, I’ll be happy with the current situation.

Hangers For A Buck

Never underestimate the importance of the Dollar Tree!  In the past 10 years I have probably entered the Dollar Store no more than a few times.  Today I visited two!  Yes, two.  It had been so long since I had been to one that I almost forgot why there are no price tags.  If there had been a salesclerk nearby I probably would have wondered this aloud.  Thankfully there wasn’t one.  Basically the Dollar Tree is excellent for all those items that I know I will be tossing in 13 weeks, such as hangers, a laundry basket, jumbo sized shaving cream, a shower caddy, etc.  I spent 10 dollars and some change so you can surmise the number of items that I purchased.

So far I’ve only explored the area around my complex.  I haven’t gotten lost either.  Thank you GPS!  I was even able to find my way back from the mega shopping district without any help.  Within 5 miles of my residence there is practically every store that you could ever need to visit.  (With the exception of Nordstrom.  I haven’t found one of those yet, but you know I’ll soon be looking).  First you’ve got your standard mall, then there’s a Super Wal-Mart, Super Target, Barnes and Noble, Kohl’s, Bed Bath and Beyond…you get the picture.  I even found a store devoted to batteries.  Odd….  I might need to check it out to make sure I’m not missing out on something truly spectacular.  The Super Target was very exciting for me.  I am no longer a virgin to Target in all its glory.  There are 30+ check-out lanes, but only 6 were open.  I’d like to see all 30 of the lanes lit up and manned with clerks.  Boy would that be a sight!

Although I grew up in the suburbs I really consider myself more of a city person.  Change is good though and right now it would be an understatement to say that being in such close proximity to all these stores is convenient. 

Tomorrow my goal is to see something besides the mall.

Finally In Fort Worth

After 6 days of travel I am finally in Fort Worth.  I have to admit that the last week has actually been a lot of fun, and it feels really good to finally be here.  Over the last 6 days I’ve found myself in 6 different states.  Thank you Honda for not breaking down!  Gotta love those Japanese automakers.  During most hours the drive was relaxing and allowed me to see a variety of new sites.  My favorite leg of the journey was across Arizona, New Mexico, and into Texas.  The highway runs through a lot of “nothing,” but the sites of nothing are new to me so I enjoyed taking in the rocks, open landscape, cactus, and red-colored mountains.  (Reminded me of the Grand Canyon on a MUCH smaller scale).  Cruise control as well as old CDs that I haven’t listened to in about 10 years immediately became my best friends.  Bluetooth is NOT my new best friend due to the fact that the thing kept falling off my ear and did not get great reception, so sorry if I didn’t call to chat. 

In Cali I visited friends in SF/San Carlos and LA.  Then I headed down to San Diego for some exploring at La Jolla and downtown in the Gaslamp District.  At my hotel I got to ride in an old school elevator complete with a metal gate.  Very cool, very slow (per 21st century standards), and with a very heavy door.  You practically need both hands to pull the thing open and keep it open so that you can enter/exit.  It closed on me a few times so I resorted to taking the stairs (quicker and painless). 

I visited a lot of gas stations, washed my windshield with cockroach infested water, and talked to a few friendly, but not creepy truck drivers.

I arrived yesterday and my company allowed me to check into my apartment a day early.  While at the leasing office I ran across another traveler from American Mobile.  Turns out we are both going to be working nights on the same unit at Harris Methodist.  What are the odds?

I moved all my belongings up to my 3rd floor apartment.  My neighbor told me good luck walking up and down the stairs.  It’s not cool here, and I know I looked like I was putting in a good workout.  I’m proud of myself for doing it though.  No guys around to help. 

I made a late night run to Wal-Mart right before closing to buy all the necessities that I hastily threw away in my rush to stuff my life’s belongings into my car.  (TP, cleaning supplies, shower curtain, laundry detergent, etc).  Then off to the grocery store so that I had something besides trailmix to eat this am.  Oh, and I needed wine to celebrate my arrival.

It’s hard to believe that I came here to work and will soon have to face that reality.  Hospital orientation next week and then 12 hour nights.  My body gets to enjoy it’s normal sleep/wake cycle for a bit longer.  And with any luck my patients will be as well-behaved (i.e. not jumping/falling out of bed or combative) and friendly as the Texans I’ve met so far.

Two More Weeks, Not Months

Wow, it feels as though it was just yesterday that I was posting my two months to go entry.  Eeks!  Fourteen days is such a short amount of time.  I’ll admit that I am more ready at this point than I ever expected.  So far I’ve had no events resembling major “freak outs” or emotional melt downs.   (But there is still time).  Honestly I wouldn’t mind a good cry.  Perhaps that will come when all my furniture is gone, and I am sleeping on the living room floor.  (I don’t think I can bring myself to sleep in my bedroom without a bed.  It would just feel wrong). 

My responsibilities at work are basically finished, and I have the next two weeks to wake up later, waste time watching the morning shows, hang out with friends, and pack. 

I recieved my Fort Worth Visitors Guide in the mail a few days ago and spent a little time flipping through the pages.  It’s described as an “Urban Oasis.”  “City Life with Country Values.”  “…the city of Forth Worth proves you can live in the city and still feel like you’re down-home country.”  Well, I know what it is like to live in a city, but I have no clue as to what “down-home country” should feel like.  I feel challenged by this statement and determined to figure out what “country” really is. 

I love this next introductory phrase:  “Forget the Stetsons [I don't even know what those are], Wranglers, and boots: just for a second, OK?  Think night-on-the-town dress shoes [I have those].  Think hipster [I can be hip], GQ jacket/tie combos [Is this an attempt at a metrosexual reference?], and chick dresses.  Think arty and cool.  And yes, you’re still in Fort Worth.”  Apparently the new face of the Fort Worth nightclub scene includes “an upscale maze of danceatoriums, chill-out lounges, and live music venues” while the old face encompasses the Stockyard area and is home to Billy Bob’s, cowboys, horses, and bars. 

Of course this “new social club” is most likely the environment where I will feel most comfortable; however I have no hesitation about venturing out and exploring those bars with the horses and cowboys.  After all, my whole goal is to have new experiences and challenge myself in different situations.  

And…just in case the cowboy thing doesn’t work out, I did notice a restaurant advertising the “finest wine list in town,” so I can always resort to that as my backup.  Plus, it can still be considered a new experience since I’ve never sipped wine in Texas!