Having Fun

I tend to be against journaling on my blog, but today I want to take a break from my more “focused” writing and give a brief update.  I’ve been back from Korea for exactly two weeks now.  The past 14 days have gone by quick, despite my not working and general “hanging out.”  I’m seriously loving it!  I could quite possibly not work another day in my life and be totally content.  Oh the thought of that sounds so glorious!  I visit about one to three coffee shops a day, plop myself at a table and write.  Yes, I am taking advantage of my unemployment or partial employment and returning to my first great passion, writing.  I don’t know why I took such a long hiatus.  Perhaps it was because I just didn’t know the direction I wanted my writing to take or even more scary, where it would lead me.  While in Texas I wrote occasionally, mostly so that people back in Seattle could get a tiny glimpse into the life that I felt lucky to be partaking in.  Now that I have returned from my fourth trip to Korea I feel that things in “Aimee’s world” are a bit more settled.  It was reaffirming for me to visit my homeland (where I have often felt degraded and of lesser status than the average Korean citizen) and still be able to retain a sense of self, despite the family drama that often goes hand in hand with my visits.  I have made it my New Year’s Resolution (I hardly ever make these, but suppose I should) to literally let my creative side flow.  That means, and I am hesitant to make this statement on a public page, rethinking and acting upon the act of memoir writing.  There I said it.  Yes, I would like to share some of what has been going on in my life since meeting my birth family.  It’s changed me and been such a significant part of my life.  Perhaps the most profound and solid example is changing my last name to what in my opinion is more fitting for who I am today.  So, on this rainy Seattle Saturday afternoon I again am at one of the three Tully’s that I frequent.  I am sitting across from a retired electrical engineer who is solving thermodynamic problems for fun.  Yes, for fun.  When I pulled out my laptop he spoke to me and asked what I was working on.  I was totally caught off guard as most coffee shop goers keep to themselves and their ipods, books, or computers.  My answer to his question:  “my writing.”  Short and to the point and 100% accurate. 

I don’t know when or if I will ever finish this work.  I started it about three years ago, but it has been in seclusion for nearly that long.  It could be that all this “work” will simply be for my own development and nurturing, but perhaps it won’t.  Maybe instead of dodging questions about my “roots”  and all it’s complications and bizarre facts you’ll be able to turn a page and consider for yourself what it means for me at least to be Korean, an adoptee, and also an American woman.

Wanderer

It’s good to be back in this city, Seattle, my city…the place I still refer to as “home.”  Each time I use this word I am a little stunned.  My Seattle friends sometime give comments, stating, “So you still refer to this place as home huh?”  Well yeah, I do.  Although I liked Fort Worth, it definetely was not a place I would allow myself to permanently reside.  And at this point I do not know where my next temporary home will be.  Perhaps New York, perhaps California, or perhaps here, in the city that feels the most comfortable to me.

After having been gone for a short 4 months I now have a new appreciation for Seattle.  I felt that Dallas lacked the culture that I have grown accustomed to:  the art scene, music scene, coffee scene, and let’s not forget diversity.  Asian faces were not exactly a rarity, but not part of the norm either.  I’m now living on the east side, Bellevue, and there is an abundance of Asians here, that’s for sure.  I like being able to choose from several Japanese, Korean, Thai, and Chinese restaurants.  It’s no K-town, but it will do.  I only drove by one Asian supermarket in Texas, and I had made a point to do so. 

Currentlybeing without knowledge of where and when my next assignment will be leaves me plenty of time to read, write, think, and be amongst friends.  I am enjoying all of the above, however there is a small amount of anxiety that is building.  I’m sure I will be talking with my recruiter Matt on Monday and then will have a better idea of what is brewing.  If there are no good job options, i.e. locations that I would like to visit, then my plan is to stay here and work per diem with my other nursing agency.  Then when the right job opens I’ll again pack my car and head out of town.

There is a lot of freedom in this.  Two or three years ago this might have been too scary for me, a little too loose and unstructured.  Now I like it.  Being tied to one place would just not work.  No, I need options and the thrill of not knowing what is next.  It adds variety to my life.  It makes me feel like this is really my life and there are choices and an enormous amount of good things to come.  Anything less at this point would be settling, and those days, if they ever truly existed, are over. 

Living out of suitcases is fine for the time being.  Having about a 1/3 of my belongings in the trunk of my car is ok too.  Recently a friend asked me if I showered in my car as well.  It made me chuckle, and then half seriously consider if it was possible. 

It’s been a month since I left Texas.  I miss it.  This surprises most of my friends, but not me.  I strongly believe we should all be open to new experiences.  If I had gone to Texas with a negative attitude, thinking, “I’m going to hate it there, I won’t see another Asian, and I’m going to be referred to as ‘oriental’ (which I was),” then of course it would have been a horrible experience.  I met some great people down there and, after a short 3 months, felt like I was just beginning to get to know some of my fellow travelers.  It makes me sad.  Hopefully our paths will cross again and we’ll be able to offer our company at another drag show, martini bar, or vent about our drug seeking “friend” in room 630.

I Have No TV

Yes, it’s true.  I live in the age of flat screens and plasmas yet I lack these electronic luxuries.  I am even without my 13 inch TV complete with VCR that I had since freshman year of college.  I had hoped to bring it to Texas, but unfortunately it took up too much space in my Honda and had to be left in Seattle.  A TV (the non-flat screen type), equals valuable box, shoe, and clothes space).  I do have my priorities after all.

What is truly odd is that I brought all my old VHS tapes with me.  Titanic, Two Weeks Notice, Dirty Dancing, just to name a few.  I got rid of Anne of Avonlea and Anne of Green Gables though.  Sure they are classics, but can you really see me sitting down with a glass of wine and watching Anne seduce Gilbert Blythe?  Probably not.

Most likely I will part with my VHS collection when I leave Fort Worth.  I just couldn’t bring myself to do it while in Seattle.  (Too painful).  But I do still have a DVD/VHS player so if I ever decided to buy a TV I could potentially still watch them.  Hmm…options.

I miss the morning shows and surprisingly I miss the news (which when I actually owned what formerly resembled a black box, I tried not to watch too much of due to all the depressing current events).  But to remedy the present situation I’ve made BBC News my homepage so that every time I check my email I am forced to view the world’s top stories first.  Smart, huh? 

Now I watch DVDs on my laptop while sitting no more than 2 feet away and with the volume turned full blast.  It’s also important to not have the air conditioning on because it makes it harder to hear the computer.  (At this point I probably appear to be some odd form of human to those of you who are flat screen fanatics).  The fact that I lack a TV and have not had cable for the past, well, 5 years is not apparent when you first meet me, but know that if you mention shows other than the Real World on MTV or What Not To Wear on TLC I am going to have a blank stare on my face.

The rough part of this whole situation is that I am probably missing out on some of the most hilarious political debacle of my time.  I just recently viewed the Sarah Palin SNL skit on YouTube.  I had no idea that she had shot a moose and that Russia was literally so near and dear to her heart.  And if I want to see (which I don’t) a picture of her head plastered on a swimsuit model’s body, then I actually have to do a Google search rather than have it shoved in my face.  Curse the work that is involved now….

My friend here bought a 19 inch flat screen.  Yesterday we had movie night and watched the second Bridget Jone’s Diary.  It was exciting for me.  Nineteen inches excites me…however I just don’t know if I am ready to invest.  I think I’ll have to wait and see who wins the presidential race.  I’m not a fan of McCain, but if he succeeds that means many more Sarah Palin skits, and who would want to miss out on that?